Let me start by saying that I have no problem with standing in front of a group and hold a presentation. I have no stage fright whatsoever regarding presenting. Preparation really is the key, so when I’ve designed my presentation (I use Prezi, an online presentation tool) and looked it through a few times, I know what I want to say and am confident it will go just fine.
Presenting without a visual audience, able to respond directly, is an entirely different thing. I am shooting videos for a new YouTube channel I want to host about sustainability, and I am nervous every time the camera is on. Yet I’ve prepared this better than my average presentation! Rediculous actually, but I haven’t been able to shut my nervousness down. Perhaps that will come.
One of the pros of shooting these videos and practicing to present without an audience yet without feeling awkward, is that perhaps it will help me address the Gods in ritual. I find this incredibly difficult, because I want to do it out loud, but feel very uncomfortable doing so. What a paradox… So there I am at my altar with a beautifully prepared speech to call upon the God and Goddess. I utter my first words… And then grow silent as I realize I am talking and I can’t see anyone listening. That’s not to say they aren’t there, but I just don’t perceive them. Resuming the speech in my head, I still finish it, but it doesn’t feel like enough. Next time, I will try a diary-ritual, writing down what I intend to say during the ritual. Since I am taking up journaling as a somewhat spiritual practice, that fits right in. Perhaps in time I can do what I would want most: speech out loud.
So I’ll just keep practicing with the YouTube videos and hopefully I will be able to present myself to the Gods before long!